i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
