If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
