i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
