I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
