420 ftw
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
