What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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