He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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