being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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