A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Screwed.edu
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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