the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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