I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
