the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
