I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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