I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
