Ambien. No doubt about it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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