Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
