This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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