someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
