I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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