You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
