I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize