Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
