I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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