Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
