so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
