I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
