I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
