Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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