tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
