Where did you get a picture of my penis
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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