forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
