fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize