she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
