Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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