aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
