ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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