gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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