Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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