I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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