the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
