We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
FUCK WHALES
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
