I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
