then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize