I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
