Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
