Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
