Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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