you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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