Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
