I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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