what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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