No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize