I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
