God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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