Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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