got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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