you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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