I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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