Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
