Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
