The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
