I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize