That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
