I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
