dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
