You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm at about main and main street
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
