Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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