so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
