Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
