Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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