I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize