I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
