How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
