i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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