1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
